The Science & The Sacred

Welcome to the Science and the Sacred. I'm your host, Sinead Brophy, and in this podcast we'll cover both the Physiology and the spirituality of what it means to be a cyclical being. I'd love to invite you, my health conscious and spiritually curious friend, to dive deep with me as we embrace the power of cyclical self-care to nourish our minds, bodies, and souls. Hi everyone, Welcome to episode four of The Science and the Sacred with me, Sinead Brophy.

So.

Originally I planned this episode to be all about cycle tracking, fertility awareness, and then kind of looking at the differences between menstrual cycle awareness versus and where the physiological side of cycle tracking and fertility awareness.

They are getting shifted to next month.

Because you know, as some of you might have known if you're following me on Instagram, my life kind of flipped upside down 2 weeks ago.

Where I discovered that I actually had an ectopic pregnancy. So I decided to use these next few episodes to actually talk about ectopic pregnancy to talk about my experience of.

That and some of the tools that I have been finding useful over the past month.

For making sure I'm looking after myself.

And one of that obviously.

It's going to be a very sensitive topic, so if it's uncomfortable for anyone to listen to, you know.

These feel free to.

You know, not listen to these episodes. Maybe you skip forward ahead to.

To next month.

To when I'll be talking about cycle tracking. The reason that I am talking about this and talking about my own experience is I think it's really important.

To talk about it.

And not only pregnancy loss and pregnancy release, which I learned through my conversation with Kitty McGuire, who will be hearing.

From later on in the month.

And about the difference of those two words? So pregnancy loss signifies that it wasn't a.

I guess conscious decision, it was something that that happened where pregnancy release is a more inclusive term to include pregnancy loss such as miscarriage, you know, ectopic pregnancy, but also includes termination and I actually think it's a really important inclusion. I would have always used pregnancy loss to include all of those, but I actually would agree with with Kitty's point that pregnancy release is is a more inclusive term so.

I'll use those two terms.

Interchangeably, and in my scenario it was.

A loss. And I we've been trying to conceive and you know I'll kind of go go through how it all happened and symptoms that I was having. However, we didn't initially think I was miscarrying and then.

Thankfully, through the checkups that I had to go through with the hospital discovery that actually it was an ectopic pregnancy. So that's what allowed me to make sure that I was healthy and happy and get treatment for that. Well, I wouldn't say happy.

They need to be healthy and you know, not in any.

Great risk.

For my life or for my health? And so yeah.

I guess many of you who might be listening to this and they're probably Googling what make topic pregnancy is, some of you might know it, some of you may not and it's something that actually affects. Weren't they just seeing one in 18 women which I was not aware of. I knew obviously that miscarriage was was quite high and I think as far as you know the numbers at the moment that are reported are.

You know, I think it's one in four. I'm sure that number in reality is probably higher with people who maybe didn't realize they're pregnant and or maybe didn't go into to their GP. But it's reported as one, one in four people experience a miscarriage. So it's one in 80 experience ectopic pregnancy and ectopic pregnancy is where a fertilized egg, so sperm and egg meat normally that happens in the sloping tubes.

Instead of the sloping, sorry, instead of the fertilized egg traveling day in the sloping tune and then tube and then embedding into uterine lining, which is where it's going to, you know have space to grow. It's going to get access to the nutrients that are there in the uterine lining which is what the purpose of the new.

Lining is when we bleed, it's the build up of that tissue, that blood supply that's all in preparation.

For.

Egg implanting in the uterine, in uterine lining, which then you know, develops placenta, et cetera, et cetera. What can happen in the case of like atopic pregnancy is that that fertilized egg actually implants somewhere outside the uterine lining, outside the womb. Most of the time it's in the fallopian tube. It can also implant, say, in your ovary and your cervix neck of your womb, also outside your abdomen, which suppose he is very rare according to the HSC. Mine was on my ovary.

According to the stenographer who who was doing the ultrasound on me, she actually showed it to me, which was pretty mad. It was a bittersweet experience, I guess, kind of seeing my embryo attached to my ovary, which is not what you're expecting to see. But for me anyway, I find that incredibly useful to be like.

OK. Well, that's where it is. That's what's happening. And I kind of have that image, I guess something like, right. Well, you know.

It wasn't going to be a viable pregnancy and this is the thing that happens, particularly in the sloping tube. So well, actually, well, anywhere there's there's not going to be enough flood. Spike, the pregnancy isn't going to.

Be able to.

Progress. So it's not, it's not a viable pregnancy, it's not going to be able to to come determine any sense the word. But what's most important is that it's actually passed as a medical emergency because there is a very high risk if that embryo keeps developing, which it does for a lot of people, is that there is risk of it rupturing.

So rupping or sloping tube and then hemorrhaging.

All of this, so it's.

It is a medical emergency.

And and I think it's really important that people know the symptoms because I like to think that I'm up to speed on Women's Health and I actually didn't know all of the.

Symptoms, and actually not as a gaslighted myself, but I put those symptoms down to other things that I might experience, such as IBS and pelvic floor spasms, which are two things that I can experience.

And and also the.

Fact that it was my first pregnancy and I had absolutely no idea.

What a pregnancy.

Feels like. Nor did I know what a miscarriage feels like. So I thought everything that I was feeling was normal. It wasn't so. So yeah so that's what's an ectopic pregnancy is. So it's been that fertilized egg implants somewhere outside the uterine lining, outside of the uterus. Most commonly Fallopian tube but can be other places such as the cervix ovary and also inside your abdomen so.

Pulling now from HSE but also from the NHS with regards to the symptoms, if you pain in your tummy, especially unilaterally, which means down one side, so it's not going across, it's going down one side. Any pain when you're urinating, When you're going to the bathroom, when you're pooing an upset stomach or a diarrhea, And if you've any vaginal bleeding or brain watery discharge. Constant pain on your tip of your shoulder And which for me, I definitely knew about.

And decided it was pot that was.

Such an unusual 1 to have and then you know in combination.

With all those confirmed pregnancy.

Tests and or a missed missed. And that's.

Obviously confirming that you are, I guess, pregnant, but that the fertilized egg hasn't implanted where it is, where it's meant to be. So they're they're the.

The symptoms so you can have.

Any of those you can have some of those. Some people actually experience no symptoms at all, which is important to know as well. And but.

It's really, really important that if you have any severe or sudden sharp pain in your stomach and your tummy, if you start feeling really dizzy, if you collapse, if start feeling unwell, unwell, or you're pale or you're cold or Tammy, any of these symptoms, they're a really kind of big warning sign. So it's really important that you make sure that you go to the emergency department.

The reason being that there are signs and symptoms of hemorrhaging and so you might have had your flow pinch you rupture and under hemorrhaging so.

For me, I had some of these symptoms. I didn't have the any of the extreme symptoms because I didn't rupture. Perhaps that's because I thought my ovary, I'm not sure that hasn't been medically confirmed. So massive stricts on that insofar as you not take any of what I'm saying is medical advice or diagnosis or anything like that. That's initially just talking about how I haven't come across and learned everything that kind of has explained the.

Symptoms that I felt so.

I didn't have any rupturing, maybe that's because of.

Where it was. And then there's more space around the ovary for it to expand rather than being in the fallopian tube, which is incredibly narrow. And the training that I did kind of explain to us the size of the spaghetti strand. So it's incredibly, incredibly narrow. So obviously if that embryo is growing within that space, there's not going to be.

Much space and there for it to stretch and it's not like the the uterus which is developed or designed I should say, to expand and grow with the growing.

Embryo and then.

You know, for you to kind of develop pregnancy. So I didn't have any of those. However, what I did.

Have was pain in my tummy down one side pain when I was going to the bathroom and I was feeling mind of. I remember feeling dizzy one time.

In the gym. So yeah. So I just think it's really important because I think if I'd known about this, I would.

Have brought them up with my.

My doctor when I was going in for my initial checks.

I will go through how it all happened.

And how I?

Explained it, but I knew that I was pregnant really, really quickly. 3 weeks, which is, you know, going off the kind of pregnancy weeks, which means it's week one of when your period starts. So week 3, essentially I was one week after conception, if even it was when.

I found out I was pregnant, so I knew really, really early on. So I was in the doctors quite early and but.

As far as I was told that, you know, it's not really common to get.

Your first gun Until maybe your Week 12, Week 14?

Some people choose to go.

For once before that, and if you're going with the private health care system, you might get offered one before that as well. But for me, I wasn't going to, you know, be getting one unless I was and paying for one privately. So yeah, so essentially Craig and I had decided to try for a baby. We both knew that it was something we wanted. We both felt like we were ready and I guess, you know, with any kind of.

Fertility journey? Absolutely no.

Idea was going to happen so.

We just thought, why don't we start now? We.

Have a couple of.

Years. You know that we're kind of happy for whatever to happen to happen. And so we weren't leaving it in our minds to the end of when we were. We're kind of ready.

It also meant that for me that I was on.

I guess the kind of still younger side of trying to conceive which.

From a fertility point of view and from an egg quality and from an egg reserve point of view is all a lot positive. Again, from his point of view, being under 40, your sperm quality is better just.

It was just it was the right decision for us.

And so we started in March, April, we were kind of like Lucy Goosy with it. It's definitely a strange experience and originally I had plans to do an episode on that and I still might do it and on about how that whole decision making process of.

Deciding to try and get pregnant.

Because it's a very strange experience because you're so consciously aware that your life potentially could change forever regardless of of what happens. And you know, it's this big milestone that sometimes some people don't have that conscious decision that just happens or maybe they go into it and they're not aware of it. But for me?

I was really aware of it and I was so.

Aware of how our lives could change so I'll definitely talk about it on on another accent. It was really exciting and and I knew kind of intuition that it was the the right thing.

For us to start start trying. So March, April we're going to started trying being a bit lazy, easy with it, but me.

Was when we were like, OK, you know this is when where we're going to go and.

We both kind of had in our head for some reason. I had me and we had always.

Thought.

That was when we were going to.

Conceive and Craig had always thought in Spain he was like, we'll, I don't know why but he's like always just think we're going to and you're going to end up getting pregnant. When we were in Spain so we were actually on holidays we were like, I'm.

Lizzle, buzzle the time. But yeah, so.

We were. We were in Spain.

And we ended up conceiving and we were there for about 10.

Days. So when we were coming home, I started getting really just before we were.

Coming home, I think it was. I started.

Really bad pains in my abdomen and.

In my pelvic floor as well now I've been in Spain.

I've been drinking a lot of wine I've been eating, which, by the way, is not really.

Recommended You are trying to conceive.

But.

I think for me I'd we'd had two months where I hadn't gotten pregnant.

And that way is it going to happen? Is it not? I'm just going to try and be relaxed and enjoy this and but I mean, it ended up happening, but.

I think you're not drinking when you are trying to conceive just because you know no alcohol is is really good for for any.

Fetal development, what I was drinking.

I've got a Spain state. I was having wine when I was in Spain and I was really eating a lot of students. That and Slayer or some of my digestive issues. So for me a balanced.

Approach to food generally works very well.

But if I've been having alcohol, if I've been having um like fatty foods, which in?

Spain, You know, all those gorgeous chorizo and all this kind of deep fried gin, The tans.

Bravas and all that sort of stuff. I love it and my stomach doesn't love it.

They make things like pastries, croissants, stuff like that, so.

Or mine, I guess, quote UN quote normal suit. I wouldn't really be including that most of the time because they can flare up my my stomach issues. But when you're in holidays, you know, and we're like, oh I.

Enjoy the good thing a bit chunk.

Type of tune, but it probably enjoyed it, maybe a little bit too much. So anyway, I thought it was all down to to IBS and what can happen for me is I also have a hypertonic pelvic floor, which means it's overactive. So I guess pelvic floor spasms now potentially is this endometriosis?

I don't know how big short physios have recommended. I don't get it looked at, but for the most part I can manage it quite well. Again, if I'm managing my stress, if I'm managing what I'm eating, I don't tend to get flare ups.

But when I get a flare up, it feels like an. Apologies for being graphic here, but it feels like I'm getting stabbed in my perineum with a.

Piece of glass. That's what it feels like.

So it is. So we're obviously.

And.

It's it's. It's like a.

Spasm and it comes on and it's really painful. Then it kind of releases and I can kind of go.

Through maybe a few days where it's quite like that and then you can kind of relax. Yeah, normally stress, normally alcohol, normally what I'm eating, all of these things tend to kind of bring this on. Squeered flying home. I was getting these symptoms. The pelvic floor symptoms in fairness were actually quite strong. Now that I think back to it, as was the pain and classic knee. I was just like, it's fine and came back home.

And I was working that Saturday. I was resting all Friday and I was going to get worried about. It was like, my stomach is so sore. It's so bloated, like it's really uncomfortable.

And I kind of went through the weekend I.

Didn't want to go to Amy.

Again, don't take my medical advice. This probably should have gone. I should have, probably should have gone to Amy. But I didn't. And I booked in for a doctor's appointment first thing on the Monday and I went by that stage of the kind of calm down, but I was worried. It was like appendicitis and you know.

What is it is an impact?

: and I don't know what's going on.

We turned up the doctor, kind of, you know, went through it all and was like, look, it sounds like.

What you think it is that it's maybe your IBS, we'll just kind of keep a thing, I guess an eye on it and.

Then I just walked away and was like, oh, it's just a flare of both my IBS and where my upset stomach, and in hindsight it was.

Probably the embryo implanting which is causing me a lot of pain again when I think about the anatomy was all down my right side.

Not really where when sending: is so, but I was like, oh, it's definitely related to, you know, being backed up and you know, having a pelvic forest spasm and all that kind of stuff. So I just kind of went on with it and I was having pain. That was when I was just back from.

Spain. So I was Li literally just conceived.

And then a week after that, still getting pain.

A little bit of discomfort bathroom, but not not crazy, like it's very manageable. It's kind of like, OK, I just need to book in for pelvic floor and I kept in like I need to book in for pelvic flooring them because I'm obviously still hypertonic, a bit sore when I'm going to the bathroom and you know it's not great completely.

Ignored us which the train?

You think you're doing the right thing. You know, it's just like, can you spoken for Pelvic floor. But we were going away for breaking. My husband's at his granddad's 80th, so we just got back from Spain. The next week we're going away. So it's like, well, don't do.

And.

Because we were going away for a.

Weekend I was like, right? OK, it was kind of drinking and.

Spain and.

Like.

How to make sure I'm either pregnant or not pregnant? Now, even though it's kind of early days, I might not show up in the pregnancy test, but I'll go get an early pregnancy, you know, one of the sensitive ones, and see where we're at. So it was kind of a real like, you know, well, we'll just.

Give it a go, blah blah blah.

So I kind of decided May, right? I'm just going to enjoy this process while they're being like, Oh my God, it didn't work the first month. What's wrong? It's like just going to have the fun.

With this, but I was like, I'll grab.

Pregnancy test. It'll be fine. We're packing the bags. All good. Did the pregnancy test.

And it was positive and.

Honestly, it was probably the happiest.

Moment in my life. It was just it.

Was such glorious weekend, but I know I didn't want to be drinking.

If we're going to be down for it. So you're doing that whole.

Life.

Just for trying to be at the door when you want to drink. Moment.

Which was actually true up until ironically, May and and yeah, so I found out we were pregnant. That was on the 26th of May and.

Then we got back, didn't know the pregnancy test and I was like, okay, it's it's positive. So we shouldn't go to the doctor. And at this point I was seeing a different doctor in the same surgery. It just didn't really cross my mind. And I don't know, maybe it wasn't flagged in my my notes, don't know the system works, but.

No one asked me anything about it. I didn't really think to ask anything of it. In my mind, ectopic pregnancy is only when you were having the shoulder pain incorrect.

That was a misconception by Sinead Brophy.

So I was like, well, it's definitely not that. It's just like my pelvic floor spasm and I remember thinking at one stage maybe the week later after being to the GP being like wow, let me worry. It sounds kind of the sores. It's just my ears expanding like you know it definitely felt fuller because I've seen my either in line with building up and I'm I'm very in tune with how my body feels. So I could feel that that what's happening in my room. And I know that sounds crazy but maybe anyone who's.

Been through that.

Or maybe who really feels the heaviness of the room just before they bleed gets what I'm talking about?

That's what I was feeling. So I was.

Like, is this just maybe expanding? And I think it's OK again. I've never been pregnant. I don't know what it feels like. So it's like, I think it's I think.

It's all right.

And again, from my own, I guess, anecdotal experience of working with women who are pregnant normally, that's only after the week 10121416 stage, You know, it's never in the early early weeks, so I'd know even.

Anecdotal things to talk about.

Where to refer back to? So it's like, it's be what? Being moral. And then it was the weekend in June and I remember it being still sore. It's like, oh, this is weird.

But I'd gone.

Starting going back to the gym.

We'd obviously been training through Spain, but I've been kind of like taken on Handy. I haven't really been doing much so we've gone back to the gym. So I was like, why? Maybe it's.

My hip flexor. Again, past issue with my right hip flexor that I would have had a lot of.

Pain on that side, you know, hip flexor kind of attaches all the way to your spine. So tell me quite deep. I just thought it was my right.

Hip flexor those.

Probably pelvic, floor, hip, flexor. All of those things tend to flare up at the same time.

So in my head all of this makes sense, like it was all fitted in perfectly with.

Symptoms I had experienced throughout my life freely and but it wasn't. I remember we were going to the gym on the Saturday morning and.

It was quite hot and getting really kind of like ate of breath and a bit faint and I kind of was like panicking a little bit. And actually the time it was my brother-in-law who was coaching me and I had to him early because I was just like I'm.

Actually just feeling a bit like and he was like, oh, great, that's great news. But also, you know, are you OK? And I was like, I'm fine. I think maybe it's just me and justing, you know, because your breathing rate.

Goes up, your body temperature goes up.

You know, like everything's changing in those early few days, so.

Again, I put it down to that I.

Remember thinking random being like.

Oh God, is this guy heading?

Some of the criteria of a topic and I was like no, but I don't have the shoulder pain.

It must be fine. And and then on Sunday, very sadly, I started.

To spot this again, when I look at the list with the HSC and the NHS, it was kind of that brain watery discharge and I was like.

No.

Like, oh, you know, we just know. I was like, I don't think it's good.

And I was with one of my very good friends at the time, which is accident, was like kind of relying on her. She didn't know, but in telling her. And I was like, I'm really just nervous about this.

But I went back.

To the see Craig and I was with him and.

We were like, I was like, this is happening and you know, and then we went out for dinner and I was actually meeting friends for dinner and he was grabbing something to eat.

Beforehand and I started bleeding in the bathroom and I was like.

Oh God, it's.

Like I think this is this is this so and I went through the whole whole thing one day came.

And you know, it was, it was it was definitely a shedding up, my new friend lining, let's call it, and I have never been so devastated in my whole entire life. I'm, I guess, very lucky in my life where I haven't lost anyone before, You know, my grandparents have passed.

But they were older.

And.

It's the way the world and it's incredibly sad. But there's I guess a distance and maybe a like natural order quote, UN quote of things where you know you get to a certain age and kind of somewhat expected that you will pass. That grace that I felt on Monday was horrific, like horrific. I literally, I I had like I held.

Out is the only word to describe.

My neighbors were probably like what is happening and?

We went into the emergency department.

They my bloods did a scan, did an internal.

Check.

And they were like, you know, you can see here in the ultrasounds.

That you see, they were in lining, there were space in meters as well. They're like there's no, there's no sack.

They're like, most likely it is a pregnancy.

Loss. But we can't.

Confirm they were like. You need to make sure you're coming back every few days to get your.

Bloods checked.

And what they're looking for, their blood's getting checked is your hcg, your beta hcg, which is your pregnancy hormone.

I hate.

Like hate.

With a capital H getting my bloods done. Weird phobia that I have. Ironically I want to be an ecologist when I was younger and like a sorry forensic scientist that I wanted to not Tod just thank God, but a forensic scientist like I was into all of the bloodslatter. I still loved crying.

Books and thrillers and all that stuff. I find that whole, you know, really, really interesting. But I think once I got older, I was like, oh, you see where the blood's coming from? And I was like, not for me.

So I hate it and.

They're like you're going to have to come in. Everything was like 3 days or two days to get your blood's done. What? You have to come in every two days and my blood's done. So you're going through this whole emotional experience.

Of.

You know.

You just being on this absolute high.

Like I was like, you know?

People talk about being slow and I guess, you know, I talk about the cyclical wisdom a lot and doing the Celtic wheel with and Mary Kennedy and she talks.

About being in that summer energy, that solar energy, just like everything's in flow and I felt that. I felt that the week.

Before where I well, I thought I was in this kind.

And I was like, it's all falling into place. And I was like, this is beautiful. It's all like everything.

Just seemed to be like slotting into place, various things in my lives, just, you know, falling into and then it was like.

Only gone. You're emotionally processing all of that.

And then you're that you have to go in every two days or three days or whatever it is get your bloods done was.

You'd like the cherry on top?

For me, I was like, really, really don't like it. Anyway, was doing it and thank God I was doing it because I was like, they're telling me it's important. It's obviously important for a reason, You know? It was going back in. My bloods weren't.

Really dropping at all that they weren't going up.

Between it wasn't wasn't progressing, but it wasn't going down.

So essentially they're using the bloods to make sure that there is no progressing pregnancy.

Happening I've now also.

Realized that they do it as a way to make sure that you know, there's not an ectopic pregnancy happening up that that hasn't been spotted.

Or that maybe there's a bit of tissue left.

That's still kind of, you know.

Developing all this kind of stuff so bad, great, that's to all. Which now when I think about it, realizing I didn't know I couldn't do any of these things.

They went to a.

Festival had a really good time and my son, that's.

Anyone who knows me knows on my phone.

Fell down a port a ****.

So that was like incredibly anxiety inducing amidst everything that was happening. You know, this release that was supposed to happen at weekend didn't really turn into a release. And I come back and then I was getting a phone and it was just all a big chaotic.

And.

But I had a great time and I'm really.

Glad that I did and.

Again did a training session on one day. Which one I.

Think about it, And with the risk of rupture, like, my God, I was so touch wood I was. I like, I'm saying this with a smile on my face, but I'll do.

Processed what place going to be going to a lot of therapy and but yes, like I was so lucky. I was just so so lucky that nothing happened. I thought I didn't rupture or hemorrhage.

So I went in on a Tuesday then.

Got my bloods done again because they're like, look, I still haven't dropped, need to come back in since about.

A week and a bit later like this is a Tuesday pretty much a week.

Week and a day and I went in and.

We're getting an ultrasound.

And Greg had been with all the other appointments, but both of us were naively like a grand We know what's happened, let's just move on, take these boxes.

Of the ultra saying of the Bloods and just get on with our lives and green, but just you know kind of put all the medical side of it behind us.

So he wasn't there with me, which I was. Was, I don't know, quite a bad thing? I'm not sure.

So I was in getting the ultrasane and it.

Was a transvaginal ultrasane rather than a on on the kind of top of my abdomen.

They can see a lot.

More, as far as I'm aware from from the transvaginal ultrasound and when she was doing it. I also have had not great experiences with regards to getting coils removed and treatment on my cervix for precancerous cells, so I.

Get really triggered with this like my logical brain is like.

It's going to be.

Cool. You're going to be so fine. You know, this is just.

Good for your health.

And then the minute like I'm getting a an internal exam, I'm like like forget. So I was anxious already and she was you know putting the the ultrasound in and was moving at a range like and I felt this pain just radiate to.

Where I'd been feeling.

Pain. The kind of previous weeks.

And I was like, that is oh so sore. I was like.

Oh my God, what is that?

She's like, okay, Yeah. You know, we're just going to be rich. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And you're going to have to get you to relax and everything should this, this and this and everything. And then he was like, I knew. I just.

Knew and knew.

Again, Rick, the pain. And I think if there's anything to nerve in this, like just trust your gut on this stuff like I.

Knew I had all of these.

Signs along the way. And I just didn't. I was like Abby.

Grant blah blah blah.

Which is so unlike me normally and very like.

Proactive and all this stuff.

So anyway, it was, I knew the minute I felt like, hey, you know, it's like, oh God, it's like, is it like topic? And she was like, yes.

You know, I'm really.

Sorry to say it's actually a topic now.

She said at the time. There is no fluid. There is no.

Bleeding, but my brain just like, shut down. It was literally like a war. And I was like, I'm just totally freaked out like.

Started.

Bawling, crying was like, does that mean?

Like, what's happening? And she was like, OK, right. And I was like, I'm really sorry. I was like, I just, I like completely was just not here. So nurses, doctors, midwives, snog first, you're all amazing because I should go rigging in that department because I just flipped out. And she was like, do you have anyone that you can call? And I was very, very lucky where I was down on Hollow St. and my husband was actually working in the gym up on Lisa St.

And it was just before lunchtime classes that he was paid to take.

I think he literally started to warm up and I was on to Mike, our friend who you know runs the rosters and everything there on Stack and I was like is Craig there and.

He was like, yes, it was like he needs to come down to Hollow St. like now and and Mike stepped in. You're a champ. I love you. So Craig came down to me. They thankfully had.

A compassion room? I can't.

Remember what it's called? The kind.

Of a private.

Room so I could go in there and.

I waited for a little bit and then Craig came down pretty quickly afterwards. And having that space was incredible because, you know, I kept talk to him and everything. Then we had to wait for the doctors had to go through the whole thing. And then I had the whole situation explained to me. So essentially I went and had methotroxate. And methotroxate is a, it's a nonsurgical medical treatment of an ectopic pregnancy. And it's.

Reading on each left, it is a folic.

Acid and also speaking to the.

Doctors, because I'm curious about all the stuff. It's folic acid and antagonist. So basically removes where blocks or inhibits all of the folic acid that's in your body. Again, if there's any medical people listening out there and you need to correct me, please do feel free to, but it's a folic acid antagonist.

So it stops the embryo developing further and then it.

Also causes it to disintegrate.

So it just means that anyone who has ruptured.

Or needs surgical intervention.

You can get this drug and it is like a low.

Intervention drug now.

They say that.

It's also a chemotherapy, which the doctor saying to me she's like, it's like chemo. It is chemo. It's used as a chemotherapy. They give it to you.

So bad it.

Didn't say this. They give it to you through injection in your glutes.

Greg said it was joy enormous. So we basically.

Had to hang a range for the doc to call me to take my height, my weight, all this stuff to make sure that the dose is right and they just could be give you a big old whack of it.

Whatever the amount is based on your weight and height and they were like, you'll be sore you'll be tired, ache the week off. Now this was all happening I think that day. Yeah the Tuesday that's appointment texted me or had messaged me on slack to be like over excited for this evening and I was like oh, I'm bumped because.

I was due to start coaching in the gym again for the summer. Was really looking forward.

Just was kind of.

Looking for it for it back, kind of, you know, the new space. So Don Drum and I was just really looking forward to kind of getting back, you know, it's all people I used to work with like all like a lot of my really, really close friends and family work and our members in the gym. So I was just, I was like this gonna be great summer. I was going to have to crack. But that happened and they were, you know.

Needed coaches and I was going to stepping in and helping to fill his face and then there was just this whole delay of me. But I was like eager to get back in because I wanted something to distract myself. I'll talk about this in the next episode, but that is something that I learn have learned.

Through kind of menstrual cycle awareness and through I guess kind of lots of internal work and therapy and all this.

Sort of stuff that.

When I'm anxious or when things are happening or.

When I don't feel in control, I do. I do.

Something I plan, something I start coming up in my dear.

But something I kind of I I I I do. And I maybe don't always sit with how I'm feeling all the time. So that was what I wanted.

To do and it's like right that happened risk of compartmentalize that we want. And I was like I will grieve when I'm doing my PKS Hermes and in my therapy sessions and in my like my nice neatly boxed moments for grieving and feeling things like that was.

Obviously not so consciously, but that's what my head was doing. It's like, right, That's going to be there and then I'm going to have work over here and I'm gonna be lovely and distracted. And then there's the Battle for Cancer charity event there. I'll do the competition and they weirdly attached the battle for cancer, things like.

You know the competition to raise charity.

Is kind of like cross it but not cross.

It I was like that's.

Going to be. I've never competed in something like since I was, you know, playing sports, it's going to be my thing. I thought I'm, you know, I'm not pregnant and I get to do this and great.

And then you're on my topic, pregnancy. And they're like, you can't do anything for a pretty long time. And they're like, the methotoxate is going to wreck you. They're like, you're going to feel tired. For they they're like, oh, it can be 3 days to a week to a.

Bland. There's lots of things that you can't do within that week.

And take folic acid, you.

Can't drink, You know, you can't do lots of stuff. And all of a sudden I was in this position where I.

Couldn't see swim because your cervix is open. You're bleeding. There's a risk of infection.

I couldn't work and normally, sorry say normally I don't know what normally happens but I got the impression.

Of talking, talking to the doctor the first time, they were like, yeah, you can go back to work in a week now. I hadn't actually explained what my work was as a coach.

Yoga teacher, a lot of physical movement, a lot of moving equipment around, demoing, you know, all that kind of stuff. You're on your feet all day.

So why is that right Next week I'll be back and we great and got the medicine went home and I was.

Lord, forget the everything else that's going on with my emotions, just basically I felt like I had COVID.

Times 10, like my bones were so heavy, I had headaches and all this stuff.

However, while I was.

Doing all of.

This like before the medicine kind of kicked in. I kind of disassociated like even if you go back on my Instagram like you know that's when you know lined up. But when the UM by who edits and produces all of this for me was going on holidays also like yeah, let's.

Just get it out. But I was like.

You know, sending a message when I was in the hospital bed because like once once I got over the initial sphere, but I totally disassociated and I was like I need to post.

Someone into ground, not because I feel I should, but just because I feel like I need some sense of normal life because I was like, we just need to have some thing because my whole routine and schedules have gone out the window. So I'm not working, I'm not seen swimming, I can't train, I can't do yoga.

I didn't have the energy for walks. Think we?

Walked around the corner to.

The local shop one day, the like second or third day after getting it and I came back and that like I slept the whole much I was trying to read and just fall asleep on the couch. I watched things fall asleep on the couch, absolutely exhausted and.

My parents came home, they were in Spain, they came home, so I was.

Out and they were looking after me and I was on the weekend and I thought I was going to go back.

To work the following week.

Little did I know. And I got to it and I was like, I don't think I can do this, just even energy.

Wise I was like, I can barely go for a walk around the block, basically.

Again, not even talking about the emotional.

Side of things was like just physically I was.

Like I don't think I can do it.

And I was back in taking me for clothes over the weekend. Anyway, I ended going in and I was like, look, this one I'm doing, I was supposed to be going back. I was like, I've got another few days off work And she was asking, what?

I do. When I explained, she was like, absolutely not.

It's like years to have a really high risk of rupture. So she's like until your HCG comes down to a certain level.

Like.

You can't you you you will go back. So they wrote me. Uh, maybe.

It was 3 weeks, probably in the dark.

Days now. It was definitely a while off work, so I was like it was three or four weeks off doing any of.

The things that I would normally do from a S care point of view so I had reading meditating and like little like a caseo means and little things like that me and even with that it's like God I don't really know you know it's still have like half doses So they sure and like you know it's like what telling can't I take with regards to to supplements and you know it's my amazingness fast time.

Later it's been an issue or?

Tease and you start kind of like double gassing everything so.

All of my kind of.

Care strategies were like gone.

Completely gone. And so I'll talk a little bit.

Right in the next.

Episode about what that was for me. But it was just a it was a much more protracted experience than I. And even listen to me plan for it to be chopped plan for any of this. But you know my head went straight into like.

OK. We're going to cope, open mechanisms. We're going to plan and put things and have the set expectation of we're going to be back to quote UN quote normal.

And that's not how it works in any way, shape or form, both physically, emotionally and mentally. And what I was struck the most with was personally made me incredibly grateful that nothing more serious happened and that what could have been a very serious medical emergency was.

Not.

And still incredibly scary.

Still really devastating with regards to to the.

Recovery and stuff like that, but you know.

I was. I was just very lucky that I was.

Heveraging, I didn't have to go for emergency surgery, you know.

There's, I know there's a lot of people.

Out there who that hasn't been their experience and so I feel very lucky in in that respect. Obviously devastating as well with regards to how you're feeling and but it made me realize how important sports networks are and I was incredibly lucky to have a lot of people in my life who I.

Could talk to about.

So my parents, my friends.

I decided, well firstly, I'm doing a podcast event, so I'll seem being very open about it. But I just decided I was going to be open about it. And when I felt ready I did that Instagram post. Because I was like, I am getting a lot from sharing and from talking to people who maybe have had experience with ectopic pregnancy or have had experience with pregnancy release, with abortion, with miscarriage, you know with with kind of any sort of pregnancy loss or pregnancy release and.

Because it's incredibly.

Difficult to know. Like I would empathize with that of where I've had that.

Experience this experience.

But until now, I'm like, oh wow, I didn't fully grasp the level of the grief that you feel and the range of emotions that you feel. And I'll, when it comes to things like this, you.

There is no set. Take these boxes and you'll feel great again.

Like, it's incredibly individual experience. It's incredibly individual healing journey, but physically emotionally very individual experience when it comes to support networks. As I mentioned, the my support network was incredibly important to me and still is incredibly important to me and and for me.

I had my.

Husband and my partner who could be there with me, which made a huge, huge difference. But the reason I.

Wanted to talk about all of these.

Things in a more.

Public setting, we're posting that on Instagram and talking about in this episode is to go through all of those signs and symptoms and to go through.

When, what to lookout for and what to be mindful of. And you know, maybe if I was ever to go.

Through it again and you know I'm going to kind of talk a little bit about the the risk factors that were listed in the HSE, but one of them is a a topic pregnancy. So when I was asking about OK what's the process now for us trying to.

Conceive or go forward firstly with the method box 8. It stays in your system for.

Three months. So I was told that, right, You know, three months from when he got it.

You go through GP and you get a Really, Really.

High.

Level prescription for folic acid and that will bring up your folic acid levels.

Because if you.

Can see within that window you don't have enough folic acid in your system that it's not going to be you know healthier viable pregnancy. This is a it's very important that you, you know use protection where you abstain or.

You know that you aren't actively trying during during that time.

So that obviously through a spanner I could again with this quote, UN quote.

Ban that I had in my head.

Because I was like, right, we'll just.

Go back and we'll try.

In one way, maybe I'm like maybe.

Not a bad thing, but I have to wait because it.

Allows.

Me to really just sit with what's happened and experience it and but I was also asking about you know.

Does that put me at risk were my future pregnancies I had?

Wanted to go through kind of a midwife led home.

Births.

LED.

Approach where possible.

And that for me, I was nervous about whether that was going to have an impact on that or not and I was just told that it.

You know, I'm going to be at a slightly higher risk maybe for a next topic.

But once I get my.

Early scandal, so that actually gave me an early scan next time and.

Once I get that done, it's confirmed that it's where it's meant to be, that I'm just considered a normal pregnancy. So the things that can put you at an increased risk of ectopic pregnancy, as I mentioned to the previous ectopic pregnancy, any surgery on the fallopian tube or any maybe damage to the tube through things like Eid, So pelvic inflammatory disease, also smoking and particularly treatments like IVF but also the ISCI, the sperm injection.

And becoming pregnant while using certain contraceptions like the the quail. I suppose the age is 1 as well. I'm not sure why that is, but it says according to the HSC that if you're over 40 years old, there's a there's a higher risk of of that of an ectopic pregnancy as well. So really this first.

Episode. I just wanted to highlight what those symptoms.

Are I guess.

To normalize the conversation around it.

And around pregnancy loss, pregnancy release, ectopic pregnancies.

And to know the symptoms. So if there's any pain as I mentioned before, especially down one side in when you're going to the bathroom either urinating or if you are.

Defecating, any upset stomach, any bleeding as well, obviously the.

Constant pain in the tip of your shoulder.

Which is one that I think a lot.

Of us are more familiar with, but you could have some of these, all of these, none of these. And so it's just one of those things that if you are having symptoms that are falling within.

Category do just get them checked out and then obviously go straight away to the Where's the department. If you're feeling any sudden severe pain the sharp pain in your tummy and point it to my.

Right side because it wasn't.

My right side, but it can be anywhere and or if you're feeling any very dizzy like you're going to collapse and if you're feeling very unwell or pale holding any of those, it's really important that you you can get that looked at in the emergency department in your by the local maternity hospital.

For your local emergency department and so yeah so that's the guess just an overview what it is I I experienced it and I was journey is going to be different and but just how I have kind of gone through the last few weeks and then we'll talk about in the next episode I guess what I have found really useful from a support system and from a framework.

Point of view when it comes to this because as I mentioned, a lot of what I would.

Fault too. I was unable to use as tools during this whole process. So how I found it and how I am still going through and trying to manage manage all of this though yeah that was obviously incredibly exposing and I feel a little bit vulnerable after sharing this.

But yeah, I think it's, I think the more we all talk about these sort of topics and these experiences, it allows other people.

To talk about it and.

I hope that maybe.

Someone who is listening to this gets some help or maybe might know what to look for if they maybe are experienced one in the future. So yeah, thank you so so much for listening and and stay tuned for Part 2 if you'd like to hear more.

Thanks everyone.